This column in The Campus Press at Colorado University is whacked. Max Karson’s “If it’s war the Asians want . . . it’s a war they’ll get ” column not surprisingly has got some people pissed.
If Karson is trying to be funny or if his column is meant as satire, it didn’t work.
I’m such a fool for not realizing it sooner. I can’t tell you how many times the Asians have treated me like a retarded weasel and I’ve forgiven them. But now I know that Asians are not just “a product of their environment,” and their rudeness is not a “cultural misunderstanding.”
They hate us all.
And I say it’s time we started hating them back. That’s right-no more “tolerance.” No more “cultural sensitivity.” No more “Mr. Pretend-I’m-Not-Racist.”
It’s time for war.
But we won’t attack their bodies or minds. We will attack their souls.
He advocates that all Asian Americans on campus, “be dragged to my apartment on the Hill and hog-tied” and doing, among other things:
I will stand in front of them and hold up a card with the name of an emotion on it such as, “sad,” or “surprised.” The Asians must then make a facial expression to match the word on the card. Any Asian who remains deadpan or makes the wrong face will be tickled until they pee. When all Asians make the correct face at the same time, the game will end, but then they will be yelled at for being conformists.
The Asians will then be allowed to play “Dance Dance Revolution.” However, the game will be rigged so that the Asians will receive no points, regardless of how robotically they dance.
As one of the comments attached to the column says, what if you substituted “black” for “Asian” and “lynch” for “hog-tied”? Would Karson had even dared to write it? I think the reaction against the column would have been stronger as well.
This post can also be found at Hyphen magazine’s blog.